So years ago, many years ago, I came up with a solution for which I called the Positive Feedback Sandwich. And it’s a way of conveying what you want to someone, whether it’s a request or even sometimes feedback, you know, not criticism, criticism’s the worst thing. You don’t want to ever criticize someone yet.

Feedback people like, and the positive feedback Sandwich works really well with any type of relationship. This includes even a, a business relationship. Just a regular interpersonal relationship, or even a romantic relationship. And here’s a simple formula. So it’s like a sandwich. So think of the bread, then the meat, then the bread.

So the first slice of bread is a compliment, right? Then the thing in the middle is either your request or feedback, what some people call criticism, right? And then the last piece of the, of the bread is another compliment. Just think of compliment,. Request for feedback and then compliment and when, and I’m going to give you some examples of a moment.

Yeah. When you do it like this, it feels amazing to people when they hear it and when you do it right, they’ll actually seek you. You’ll get what you want most of the time. That’s the very time. And if it is something where you want them to do something better, which is what I described as big feedback, not criticism, they’ll get to the point where actually will seek you out and ask you for your feedback.

Who seeks you out to ask you for your criticism? Right? Yeah. When you actually give great positive feedback, people will seek you out and want your input and what your advice. So let’s run through a couple examples of it. So here’s an example of how people who’s in business, you know, this supervisor might come up and say, uh, Hey Tina, I just taught you for a minute.

I’d like to let you know you’re doing a great job with all the research and the reports that you’re putting together, and let Tina respond. You’re doing good. One thing though, moving forward, if you could organize your research and the reports using the template that we gave you, that would be awesome.

Let Tina respond, said, okay, yeah, sure, I can do that. And then you finish up with, once again, everything else is looking great. Now, when Tina hears this, Tina feels amazing and it inspires her to want to do an even better job. Now, in that example, that was both a request and feedback. So from another perspective, we were criticizing Tina that her research and reports are all sloppy and disorganized, right?

Imagine coming at her from that tech, oh, stuff is sloppy and just so gonna help me paying you for it, right? That would really demoralize her and she wouldn’t wish to hear us saying, oh, make sure you’re sick of the templates. So once you do this a few times, you get the hang of it. Well, why does this work when you use the positive feedback sandwich, the person you’re talking to.

They actually see that you recognize that they’re doing a good job. That’s always important to people in a relationship where or at work doesn’t matter, right? Any type of relationship they recognize or they understand. You recognize they’re doing a good job also, that you actually appreciate their effort.

Both women and men always feel amazing when they know, you know, the person talking and appreciates them in their efforts. And then also with that, you always are giving ’em a choice. You’re not just telling them what to do. Again, you’re not their boss even. This is the boss. Bosses have to learn, you know, in, in business they learn the same thing.

Decide to get much more, uh, better performance, have better relationships with their employees. It’s the same thing you learn in any type of relationship, whether you’re married or dating. It doesn’t matter. So being able to give a person a choice and they decide to do it means a lot because it means that you’re not trying to manipulate them or make them do something that they may not want to do.

Give you one more example, this one for directly for relationship. All. So here’s one for relationships. All right, we’re gonna, we’ll say that the, you know, the, the lady in the relationship wants to go out, wants her husband or boyfriend to take her out more? Yeah. What you can say, sweetheart, can I talk to you for a minute?

I just wanted to tell you that, you know, the, the last few dates that we went on, when you took me here, it took me there. I had a wonderful time. He did a great job planning everything, and I had, I had a really good time. Let him respond. Now with, that’s the, that’s the bread. Right now we get to the sandwich.

The, the feedback or the request or both? Is it possible that we can go out maybe at least two Saturday nights per month? I’d just like to get the house more and I, I’d like to, for you and I to spend time together. Just the two of us. Let him respond. Then you finish up with another compliment. Like I said, everything else.

I mean, you had done such a great job. I’m really impressed with how all the places we went to and how you planned everything out. I had have a great time and so suddenly once again, he realizes that you recognize he’s doing the job. You know, it’s not easy planning out dates and stuff, right? So he understands that.

You recognize that he’s doing a job and you’re telling you’re doing a good job. Even choosing a restaurant, taking a a lady out to a restaurant, that’s a job. It’s work to do. Right. And so letting him know you appreciate that is huge. Plus that you appreciate his effort Beyond saying thank you at the end of the day and that you’re actually giving him a choice, you’re not telling we need to go out the house more, we need to do this, we need to do that.

But you’re giving him a choice. Is it possible we can go out two Saturdays for a month? Because now, especially as a, as a man in the relationship, he’s in that leadership position to actually make the call. So the positive feedback sandwich. Very respectfully helps to guide the person to where you’d like them to go, and ultimately makes them feel good about your feedback requests.

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