The purpose of this survey is empower you to be able to set real relationship standards that will actually make you happy!
As a result, many of them miss out on caring, loving and nurturing relationships that have would have been ideal for them yet instead they expose themselves to a dating pool of people who aren’t their ideal mate and the outcomes are oftentimes less than stellar.
Heartache comes about because people confuse standards with preferences. So let’s start out by defining what standards are and what preferences are:
Standards are a level of treatment, quality, achievement, performance, etc., that you consider acceptable or desirable.
They are non-negotiable. They’re your must haves and deal breakers. They are THE CAKE. They cannot be compensated for with other qualities.
While Preferences are simply things that you like better or best.
They are a greater liking for one option over another. You have the power of choosing if given the chance. Preferences are always negotiable. They are THE ICING ON THE CAKE yet NOT the cake itself. Realize that preferences don’t consider deeper compatibility.
Now that we have that established, let’s list some examples of standards and preferences.
Examples of Standards:
- Someone that has respect for your opinions, feelings, needs, beliefs and desires
- They have shared values, ethics, morals and even philosophy with you.
- Honesty, trustworthiness and transparencyÂ
- Feeling of safety, quality and affection
- Healthy conflict management and ability to communicate freely
- Mutual attraction and corresponding level of desire
- Religious beliefs, believes in God, spiritual
- Someone that does not abuse you (whether that abuse is physical, verbal, psychological, etc.).
- Believe that everyone can agree on that standard in a relationship.
Now let’s list YOUR Standards:
You can use the ones listed above as a guide. You may add additional ones or things that are important to you as well.
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IMPORTANT! Your Standards Should Serve You …NOT Limit You.
Take a close look at the standards you listed above. Are they helping you find a fulfilling relationship, or are they keeping you stuck where you don’t want to be?
You should also be upholding ALL of your same standards – honesty, respect for you and your opinion, etc.. Otherwise it’s not realistic to ask for standards of your potential mate well you don’t even uphold the same standards yourself.
Examples of Preferences:
- A height preference (ex. 6 feet tall or taller than me)
- A body type preference (fit, muscular, athletic, lean, etc.)
- A weight preference
- An anatomical preference (ex. bra cup size, penis size, butt, etc.)
- A yearly annual incomeÂ
- A specific job title (ex. CEO, owner, Doctor, etc.)
- An educational accomplishment (ex. High school graduate, some college, bachelor’s degree, masters degree, PhD, etc.)
- I’d prefer them to be funny or have a good sense of humor
- Generous with their money and/or time
- Gives me butterflies whenever we’re together.
- Where they take you for a first date
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Now let’s list YOUR Preferences:
You can use the ones listed above as a guide. You may add additional ones as well.
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IMPORTANT! The goal is to refine your preferences in a way that leads to MEANINGFUL connections.
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So What Do The Results Of This Quiz Mean?
What you’ll find is that your list of standards will be very short.
This is why when you approach it this way, it’s much easier to connect with a good mate!
What you’ll also find is your list of preferences tends to be very lengthy! Lol!
Problems arise for us when we:
- Focus TOO MUCH on our preferences.
- We listen to what other people tell us what we should want.
- We listen to things that we see or hear on social media where people are telling us how things should be perfect.
- We try to make who we’re attracted to, or even what our relationship should be like, based on other people or couples that we see.
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One Final Note…
(this should make it really easy for you)
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An easy way to think of this whole process is to think of searching for the house that you’d like to live in.
What are your standards that the house MUST HAVE (your needs)?
ex. Not so close to my neighbor’s house, 3-4 nice sized bedrooms, 2.5 full baths, a garage, living room and dining room, a nice sized kitchen, fit in my current price range, etc.
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What are the preferences (amenities) that you’d like it to have (your wants)?
- A lot of natural lighting, 4 full baths, a finished basement, sunroom, pool, a gazebo, on a lake, a deck, a patio, etc.
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Now here’s the MILLION DOLLAR question? If the house was in the right price range and had ALL OF YOUR STANDARDS (your needs), would you buy it or pass it up because it didn’t have all of your preferences (your wants)?
To get BETTER outcomes with your dating, approach making your list of standards and preferences for your mate in THE SAME WAY as you did for your house above! 